Love is Blue?

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The other day I was driving to my dental appointment while listening to my favorite 60s station. I was immediately transported to a different time and place when the instrumental version of “Love is Blue” by Paul Mauriat came on. There were many versions of this song- everyone of them tugged at my heart. The instrumental was haunting and lugubrious, while the French Version by Claudine Longet and the English version by the singer Heather, brought the palpable emotion to reality. I used to listen to it endlessly and hypnotically. I pondered the meaning of all the lyrics which related a variety of colors to a person who was in pain; a love that was lost.

“Why should love be so painful?” I asked my younger, pre-adolescent self. Love is supposed to be something beautiful, enriching and delicious – the “hot fudge sundae” of life. I did not know anything about love at this time, only the dream of it.

I never forgot that song. It seemed to live in my very being. I have always clung onto the notion that love should never be blue and painful, although I did learn that every moment in a relationship cannot be perfect and blissful. I did learn through every relationship what I did and didn’t want and subconsciously formed a mental list.

Deal-Breakers…Everyone should have deal- breakers in their relationships. What are deal breakers? They are qualities and/or situations that are red flags that cause pain in love. Too many people remain in relationships with either avoidance or denial, hoping to fix the unfixable.

Sometimes mistaken commonalities are Deal-Breakers. Individuals think they know what they want. Two examples are a “sense of humor” and wanting a person with an “adventurous” personality.

Many people place “a sense of humor” at the top of their perfect relationship list. A person wants someone who makes them laugh. What they need to realize is that there are several kinds of humor that are indeed indicative and reflective of their character and personality. One must be aware of what he/she truly finds humorous. Sharing a similar sense of humor engenders the kind of bonding laughter like no other. Some people love to tell jokes, others use puns and irony, then there is sarcastic humor, dark sense of humor, off-color humor, topical humor, and plain old situational humor are some examples. Yes, laughter can be a deal-maker or a deal-breaker!

Many people say that they are seeking someone with a “sense of adventure.” This too, can be interpreted quite differently. It depends on what people see as adventure. For some, it can mean traveling to new and different places. It can mean seeing what every day brings – making new friends, seeing new people, exploring museums and expecting the unexpected. For others, it may mean adventurous sports, bungee jumping, hiking in the wilderness, driving fast cars, getting involved in high risk activities physically, mentally and/or financially. Those personality types usually are non-conformists looking for a challenge, mutual independence and have a “no-regrets” philosophy. For others, it may be all of the above.

Looking for the wrong qualities or staying in a deal-breaker relationship can all lead to love being blue. Love is never perfect, but it should offer a person mostly joy and light...